It's Not Easy
by Captain-Beatty
Summary: This is about Captain Gloval. Don't like him, don't read. Flames will be filed away for future use, review is always welcome.


Hi all! This is the Captain again. Another song-fic, only about my fellow Captain, Henry Gloval. In my opinion, there are simply _not_ enough fics about him out there, so I'm contributing to the cause. And I do apologize if my space terminology isn't correct, but it's been awhile since I've read the books. These are just some of the thoughts he might have had during the series. Before he died. Which was when I threw the book across the room. They ALWAYS kill my favorite characters!

Disclaimers: Don't own Robotech, Jack McKinney does, and Five for Fighting owns "Superman" (the song, not the guy...DC comics owns the guy...an-yway...).

_**It's Not Easy**_

_I can't stand to fly_

Captain Gloval looked at the wide expanse of stars from the bridge of the SDF-1 and sighed. Here I am, the captain of the greatest weapon Earth has ever seen, and I no longer find pleasure in flying. It was nice enough some days, but not now. It's too much right now.

_I'm not that naïve_

Over the speaker, Minmei's voice provided a pleasant distraction from his disturbing thoughts. Not enough though, he amended somberly.

She had to grow up fast, Gloval thought. We all did. And I'm just a tired old man, one old man in charge of a thousand people!

"Sir?" Claudia said. "Sir, I've got those bearings you asked for."

He nodded stiffly without turning his head. "Thank you, Claudia. Bring us around, please."

_I'm just out to find_

_The better part of me_

Well, time to explain myself, I guess. Turning to face his crew, he smiled tiredly.

"Ladies, these people have been traveling with us for quite some time. I think we owe it to them to show off some of the better sights of space.

The bridge crew chuckled a little and got back to their jobs.

_I'm more than a bird_

_I'm more than a plane_

"I hate it when he's like this!" Sammie whispered to Lisa. "It's like his blaming himself for everything that's gone wrong!"

Lisa nodded. "I agree. It's something even more than that though, Sammie. As the Captain, he has to be bigger than us, the people, even the ship he's commanding."

"And this is a really big ship, right?"

"Right."

_I'm more than some pretty face _

_Beside a train_

_And it's not easy to be me_

Gloval's face came over the various visual sets over the ship. "Ladies and gentleman of the SDF-1: we are approaching one of the many groups (A/N galaxies?) of stars in our universe. This also happens to be one of the prettiest. If we're lucky, we'll also see some of the "living cloud whales" Doctor Lang has mentioned before. Captain Gloval out.

_I wish that I could cry_

_Fall upon my knees_

After Gloval turned the ship-wide visual system off, his already faint smile disappeared. Damn, he thought while rubbing his eyes, why do I fell so tired?

"Lisa, Claudia, will you two take care of things? I'll be in my quarters if you need me."

"Yessir," the two snapped quietly.

After a long hot shower, Gloval sat on the edge of his bed in soft sweatpants, rubbing his salt-and-pepper hair. Noticing the rivulets of water running down his face, he vaguely wondered if they were tears or excess water.

_Find a way to lie_

'_Bout a home I'll never see_

Getting up again, he wandered over to one of his few personal effects; a picture of Earth from outer space. Snorting derisively, he said "Outer space indeed!'

Suddenly, the alarm sounded. Cursing fervently, he pulled on his discarded uniform pants and threw on his jacket, buttoning it as he ran down the hall to the bridge.

_It may sound absurd,_

_But don't be naïve,_

_Even heroes have the right to bleed_

"Zentraedi warships approaching, Captain," Lisa said tightly. "VT fighters scrambled, sir."

"Thank you Lisa. How many warships?"

"Only two, sir."

Gloval frowned. "Two? Why only..." his voice died as his eyes widened. "Lisa! Call them back immediately!"

Before Lisa could reach the toggle, the warships exploded. Lisa blinked and looked back at the captain who had regained his mask of impassivity. "Sir?"

"Call any survivors back, Lisa. We can't do anything else here. Claudia? Pull out immediately. Those were buoys-they'll be here anytime now." Pausing, he added "and get me the casualty list as soon as possible. Then you ladies go to bed-I'll stay here until the late crew is assembled."

Slowly, "Gloval's Harem" filed off of the bridge. Lisa hesitated, and looked back to ask if he needed any help. Seeing Gloval's head shake, she continued off the bridge. You know, he almost looked like he wanted to cry.

_I may be disturbed_

_But what you can see_

_Even heroes have the right to dream_

_And it's not easy to be me_

After the late crew had been assembled, Gloval trudged back to his room. Blearily unbuttoning his coat and collapsing on the bed, he rolled over and put an arm over his eyes.

Please, he begged silently, no nightmares tonight. No nightmares tonight, please God.

_Up, up, and away, away from me,_

_Well it's alright_

_You can all sleep sound tonight,_

_I'm not crazy or anything_

The next day saw Captain Gloval back on the bridge, rubbing bloodshot eyes. However, only Lisa was there to see anything.

"Did you sleep well, sir?" she asked with false cheerfulness.

Gloval grunted and took another sip of coffee. You didn't listen, he cursed silently, I asked for no nightmares! You didn't listen!

_I can't stand to fly _

_I'm not that naïve_

_Men weren't meant to ride _

_With clouds between their knees_

_I'm only a man_

_In a silly red sheet_

_Looking for kryptonite on this one way street_

transport, on the way to conference with Admiral Hayes

Some obnoxious rookie had seen to it that all his "cocktails" were on his uniform jacket the day the SDF-1 left earth. Now another one had seen to it that a red cape was on one of the hooks in the transport. "The Red Cape of Honor," it was called.

Lisa held out the cape to Gloval expectantly. "Apparently they want you to wear this, sir."

Gloval raise one bushy eyebrow. "Apparently."

_Only a man _

_In a funny red sheet_

_Looking for special things inside of me_

_Inside of me_

_Inside of me_

_Inside of me_

_I'm only a man _

_In a funny red sheet_

after conference with Admiral Hayes

Gloval looked at the cold fury on Commander Haye's Face and silently motioned for her to get in the transport. Inside, they sat in silence for quite some time before Lisa asked "What are we going to do now?"

Gloval shook his head. "First of all, I'm going to remove this stupid cape. Second of all," then he said no more because he was busy ripping up the cape and wadding up the shreds.

"Commander, we're going to march back to the ships with our heads held high. I will inform the bridge what happened. Then...then I will address the ship."

_I'm only a man_

_Looking for a dream_

_I'm more than a man_

_In a funny red sheet_

_And it's not easy_

after Gloval addressed the ship and started crying

As Gloval was wiping his eyes, he looked with fuzzy vision around the ship, and the thousands of people looking up at Minmei. (A/N: sorry to all you Minmei fans, but I HATE her!!!!--)

"Captain," Lisa said quietly, "we can leave now, if you want."

Hands still shaking, Gloval nodded.

After shooing Lisa away, Gloval sat down heavily on his bed. His hopes of returning to Earth, of restoring these people to their homes, all of them were crushed. "Now what?" he asked the forlorn walls. Sighing, he continued mumbling out loud. "No more sunsets, no more ocean, no more flowers." Smiling grimly, he added well, I guess I can give the brass one last show then.

Turning over, he slowly fell into a deep sleep, permeated only with dreams of a strange blue and green planet once called home.

_It's not easy to be me_


End file.
